Stop the Madness

In the blog world, there is a phenomenon known as frackin' Friday.  We bloggers are able to rant about what we wish.  So here's mine.

The phrase when and if is used quite frequently in our everyday world.  Yet it is incorrect to put them together with 'and.'  Why, you ask?  When can be various parts of speech, but either way the word denotes a time frame.  Something will happen eventually.   If can be a conjunction or a noun, but the word requires a condition for something to happen, and that something may never happen.

So one can see that created as a compound phrase, these words cannot co-exist.  That is not to say that it cannot be written in some fashion, but better sentence construction is in order.

Did not seek, but this Grammar Gal did find

I was not looking for these blunders.  They found their way to me.  The members of my royal court know that it would be remiss of me if I did not report them as such.  


From a composition-book publishing company:  Our title reflects the reality that today everyone with a computer can publish what they write.  


From my local newspaper:  Dorothy Askew-Sawyer, director of the St. Vincent de Paul of Baltimore's Beans and Bread Center, behind her at left, stands where the center plans to expand, if neighbors concerned about its drawing more needy people from all over the city can't stop it. 


From a news Web site:  Amanda Knox hires a US lawyer searching for a book deal.


A simple edit could have avoided these glitches.  It seems my work will never be completed.  *sigh*

Seriously?!

These two I heard on radio ads.  Those of you thinking of advertising as a future career, do me a favor please and don't make these mistakes.  Careful attention to detail could have prevented this.

A weight loss company posed this question as its opening line:  Are you a man or a woman who needs to lose 20 pounds or more?  Who else does this company think is listening to the radio?  Bears?  Tigers?  Space Aliens?

An ad for a local hospital ran this one, again as an opening line:  Pregnant moms expecting a bundle of joy...  Repetition in an ad does not a good ad make (neither does this comment I added, so you should get my point!)

Shake, Rattle, and Roll

Yes, even in the midst of the rumbling that forayed its way into Baltimore, I found this.  I can't help myself.  This grammar gal is always on the look-out.

In downtown Baltimore, the quake sent office workers into the streets, where lamp posts swayed slightly as they called family and friends to check in.

How did lamp posts acquire such special powers?

Alma Mater

I have need to take an issue to task -- those metal frames that drivers display around their license plates.  You know to what I refer.  They most often sport the college said person has attended.  Let's clarify the word that generally appears at the bottom (and sometimes the top) of this rectangle. 

Alumnus is the traditional singular spelling.  The word refers to a graduate of a particular college.  At one time way back in the day, it referred to a male graduate.  Females need not apply.  

Alumni is the plural spelling.  This means more than one graduate, and grammar dictates that this can refer to both male and female.  Women's Equality rocks! (To note, alumna (singular) and alumnae (plural) refer to the ladies).

Well, what does all of this mean?  When you see those frames, they have the word alumni.  The only way this declaration works is if more than one person in that vehicle is a graduate of said college.  I would say that most oftentimes this is not the case.  The plate is a reflection of the driver's accomplishment.

I'll emphatically state that I always will support and display my alma mater whenever possible.  Go tigers!  For all future grads, remember this error and try to find a more grammatically correct way to support your school. 

Modify This!

During my day-to-day travels all around the distinctive city affectionately known as Bmore, I'm always on the hunt for road literature.  I am able to assure you that I find a plethora.  The line I found  just yesterday was too good not to share, especially given the timing (my summer grammar class is learning the pitfalls of unreasonable modifiers). 

On a subtle, dull yellow placard prominently positioned in front of a much-frequented gas station was this: 

I will stop smoking with hypnosis. 

Wow.  Talk about your bad influence!