Sometimes. Never. Always.

Sometimes women can be a little bit over-emotional.
Never call them drama queens.

Sometimes women can be a little bit bitchy.
Never call them bitches.

Sometimes women can be a little bit unpretty.
Never call them ugly.

Sometimes women can be a little bit silly.
Never call them stupid.

Sometimes women can be a little bit dirty.
Never call them whores or hoes.

Sometimes women can be a little bit demanding.
Never call them high-maintenance.

Always beautiful, intelligent, savvy, independent, fabulous, wonderful.
Always.

Are you there Midol? It is I, a ... female

Hey! Makers of Midol.  Listen to my incessant buzz.

Why must the oval-shaped ocean-blue pill be housed in a square piece of foil and paper that takes more than one millisecond to open?  Do you not understand that time is precious when ladies need their fix? 

Why must you create the tiniest of triangles to peel back not once, not twice, not even thrice, to get at what we search for?  Do you not understand that time is precious when ladies need their fix?

Why must we then be forced to dig a tiny corner of fingernail into a silver covering?  No fingernail at the ready?  Then what?  A sharp instrument?   Do you not understand that time is precious when ladies need their fix?

Take heed.  Bring back the bottle since with a simple cap twist and bottle shake, many a woman will be elated.

Happy Blogoversary to Me!!

It's official.  My blog is 1 year old today.  A large thanks to all of you who have supported me in this endeavor and for being such loyal and wonderful followers.  

That said, I'll leave you with these three lovelies.

Found this slogan on a truck just this morning:  Delivering the green in bathroom hygiene.  I have not a clue what this means.  

Saw this in a convenience store window:  Buy your winning lottery tickets here.  This, of course, means the store already knows the tickets will be winners.  Cheating or psychic?  You decide.

See and hear this phrase quite often.  Fill in the blank with almost any word you'd like:  There are plenty of ______ out there.  Where exactly is out there? 

Served with a side of...

Saturday was a rather blustery day in Baltimore, but that did not stop this Queen from doing one of the many things that I devote myself to  – shopping!  While I was out and about, I happened upon a billboard with an advertisement for a relatively local product.  By Baltimore standards, this particular potato chip brand is well known and well liked.  It is difficult to say no to a handful, and I am hard-pressed to find a taste that compares to the first chip from a newly opened bag.  However, after reading the tagline for this ad, I have to say I may never look at a chip with the same voraciousness again.

The billboard was rather devoid of bright color.  Instead, the background was a dark blue, and the animated girl that is the  ‘spokesperson’ for this brand was prominently displaced. 

The tagline read like this:  Have an old friend for lunch.

Eww. 

The Fault Line

Here are the unfortunate four faults I found within, interestingly, the last four hours.

Spotted on a large piece of plywood near a restaurant remodeling project:  Constuction entrance.  (spellcheck!)

Located on the marquee outside of a firehouse:  Have your child's birthday here!  (I assume this means there is a  fully equipped hospital on location?)

Found on an Internet news site:  The daybooks were a place for students to collect unsensored thoughts, which could then . . . essays.  (see comment on #1 above!)

Viewed on the same Internet news site (different article):  Prosecutors contend . . . to get his wife away from other divers to kill them . . . battery was in upside down.  (I had to read most of this article in order to realize the accused was not trying to do away with the divers).

Editor needed STAT!

Punitive Measures

A local elementary school here in Baltimore held a pep rally yesterday.  This was, of course, in support of our hometown Ravens traveling to New England for the upcoming championship game on Sunday.

An email was sent to parents stating that if children did not wear either purple clothing or Ravens 'gear,' they could not participate in the rally and would be shuttled to the library. 

I found this interesting since the library certainly should never be considered a form of punishment.  Not only that, Baltimore's slogan years ago was "The City That Reads."

Cease and Desist

With less than 48 hours until 2012 arrives, here is a request.  Not having to hear these hackneyed expressions will produce much jubilation for this Queen. 

Just sayin’ – really?

LOL – Instead of texting or saying it, do it as boisterously and as frequently as possible.

Epic fail – A failure is a failure no matter how large, and in the truer sense, epic should not modify fail.  Check the meaning.

Viral – please! 

It is what it is – is not that apparent?

Sleep in – in what?  A tent?  Simply saying one is sleeping late will suffice and is correct.

Dead Presidents – a misnomer actually since not all gentleman featured on U.S. currency were presidents!

When it rains, it pours – not always.  (My students should recognize this one and be able to explain it!)

9125 days

 

I couldn't resist posting this error, which I found on an Internet news site.  Technology truly is exciting when women can carry and give birth to inanimate objects for this long!

 

 

A 76-year-old British woman recently had a pen removed from her stomach, and doctors were shocked to discover that after 25 years of gestation the pen still works.

Befuddled

My mind is a bit loopy of late since I'm buried waist-deep in student essays.  However, that hasn't stopped me from this confusion.  

Why are bologna, salami, and provolone cheese round but bread is square?   The final product is rather odd and not at all visually appealing.

Why is it called trimming the tree?  The object should be to decorate not cut.

Why is something called a drive-through when one has to stop at the window?   Brakes need not be applied.