Befuddled

My mind is a bit loopy of late since I'm buried waist-deep in student essays.  However, that hasn't stopped me from this confusion.  

Why are bologna, salami, and provolone cheese round but bread is square?   The final product is rather odd and not at all visually appealing.

Why is it called trimming the tree?  The object should be to decorate not cut.

Why is something called a drive-through when one has to stop at the window?   Brakes need not be applied.

Incongruities

If hand and foot are singular nouns, and in American English we add ‘s’ (most of the time) to create plural words, should not it then be hands and foots? 

Why is it that Donald and Daisy Duck have no pants, Mickey Mouse wears no shirt, and Goofy wears a turtleneck and long pants?  Trying to accommodate all seasons perhaps?

Does not the word permanent mean something that lasts forever?  If that is so, what’s the point of a permanent press setting on the iron, and why is a product called permanent hair color?  I can ardently say that I press the wrinkles on the same clothes week after week and color my  wretched grays nearly once a month. 

When the elevator is slow arriving to the floor after one has pushed the button, pushing the button 3 times in a row is not going to bring the elevator any faster than if one had simply waited for it to arrive.  The same logic applies to the remote control.  If the channel is not changing when one pushes the buttons, shaking the remote control will not correct the situation.

The word ajar means partly open or half closed (think optimistic and pessimistic) and one usually leaves a window or a door as such.  So if one refers to a jar should one then use the word ‘adoor' or 'awindow'?

As always, more to come.

Glimpser

Yes, I've been at it again with my habit of perusing the posterior parts of moving (and parked) vehicles for their artwork.  Here is the latest collection.


Run like a girl (not sure what this means, but I hope it doesn't set us back one hundred years.)

89.7 WTMD (yes, this is a plug for our very own TU music station).

I haven't been the same since that house fell on my sister (I so love The Wizard of Oz.)

I brake for frogs (I suppose someday her prince will come.)

To write is to live (a personal favorite.)

More Ludicrous Observations

Here is yet another round of ludicrous language.

I heard a radio ad for some weight loss product, and the opening line went like this:  If you are a man or woman who needs to lose weight...  Who does this company think is listening - bears, aliens?

How is it possible that we have such a thing as a debt ceiling?  Correct if I'm wrong, but doesn't a ceiling denote the very top and is stationary.  How can one "raise the roof?"

If one listens to something with half an ear, does this mean one only hears half of what is being said?

How did the professional title of 'bank teller' come to pass?  These people don't tell you anything, do they?

Maryland has a new program that replaces the former welfare program.  If one enrolls in this program, an Independence Card is issued.  Who thought up this name?  If one is obtaining help from the government, doesn't that make one dependent?

More to come...

Opposites Attract

One of my favorite rhetorical devices is the oxymoron.  There's something magical yet intimidating about placing two words side by side that mean the exact opposite.  That said, here are a few of my favorites.  Try to incorporate them in a conversation.  It'll make your listener think twice.

Seriously joking
Dressy casual
Regular diabetic diet
Fairly accurate
Pretty ugly
Long-sleeve T-shirt
Oven fried
All day happy hour
Single pair
Uninvited guest
White chocolate