The Battle for Handedness

The gloves are on and an epic war plays out.  I've come to the conclusion that the world favors righties -- right-handed people, that is.  While I've been a rightie all of my life, I've watched lefties struggle for many moons trying to adapt to a 'right' environment.  That said, here's how the battle plays out. 


Scissors – No secret here.  Mass produced during my generation (I have a pair from the 1970s), these scissor handles are molded to fit a right-hander.  Sure, a left-hander could put fingers and thumb in the holes, but you try it.  Scissors held in this direction do not have the ability to cut even the most delicate scrap of paper; they only bend it. 

Spiral notebooks – The coils are conveniently placed on the left side of a book so that the rightie writer never touches them while putting pen to paper.  Lefties spend their time fending off curly-Q impressions and ink stains on the wrist. 

Mail boxes --  Yes, I am well aware that many of you have little to no use for those tiny dome-shaped flat-bottomed houses that hold snail mail; however, for those who do, ever stop to think what side the flag is on?  Yes, that’s correct.  It’s on the right side, which means lefties have to reach across their bodies to raise it.

Shopping carts – Going to market was never easier for a rightie.  Front of the cart?  Sure, you have to be in this position to push it through the aisles.  Inevitably, you have to roll up to the check-out line and that’s where the problem ensues.  For the leftie, the logical way to take items should be from the front of the cart – a nearly impossible feat since one might have handle impressions across the abdominals, and the smallest of items could be left behind in the very corner of the cart.  The ease of taking everything from said cart comes at the other end where righties position themselves and use the predominant hand to swiftly place the items on the moving belt. 

All is not lost...

QWERTY – Here is where lefties hold sway.  Did you ever notice that the most popular keys are on the left side of the keyboard?  Your left thumb gets much more exercise than your right when you text.  Makes you wonder if C.L. Sholes was a leftie.  I think not, though.  It’s merely a matter of logistics. 

Although not a TKO, righties rule.

Glimpser

Yes, I've been at it again with my habit of perusing the posterior parts of moving (and parked) vehicles for their artwork.  Here is the latest collection.


Run like a girl (not sure what this means, but I hope it doesn't set us back one hundred years.)

89.7 WTMD (yes, this is a plug for our very own TU music station).

I haven't been the same since that house fell on my sister (I so love The Wizard of Oz.)

I brake for frogs (I suppose someday her prince will come.)

To write is to live (a personal favorite.)

Bumper Art

Since I am so well traveled on the beautiful Baltimore beltway, and I spend most of that travel time in unrelenting traffic, I find myself perusing the back ends of vehicles for bumper art.  Some stickers I find are awesome; others not so much.  This one in particular deserves special props.

                Well-behaved women seldom make history.

I am inclined to agree. 

What-say we make a case for changing the word HIStory to HERstory.  Female empowerment rocks!

Seriously?!

These two I heard on radio ads.  Those of you thinking of advertising as a future career, do me a favor please and don't make these mistakes.  Careful attention to detail could have prevented this.

A weight loss company posed this question as its opening line:  Are you a man or a woman who needs to lose 20 pounds or more?  Who else does this company think is listening to the radio?  Bears?  Tigers?  Space Aliens?

An ad for a local hospital ran this one, again as an opening line:  Pregnant moms expecting a bundle of joy...  Repetition in an ad does not a good ad make (neither does this comment I added, so you should get my point!)

Change is a'coming

"When it's time to change, you have to rearrange."  I believe that is from a song way back in the day.  The 2011 spring and summer seasons are a few days shy of ending, so my blog must keep up.  Thus, a new color scheme is in order.  For the autumn season, orange is an exceptional choice.

My favorite season

Fall has always been my favorite time of year.  I love those back to school days, especially when the mornings turn crisp and chilly, and the leaves begin to change color and fall from the trees. 

Like a warm sweater
You keep me cozy, comfy,
Draped in your softness.

Shake, Rattle, and Roll

Yes, even in the midst of the rumbling that forayed its way into Baltimore, I found this.  I can't help myself.  This grammar gal is always on the look-out.

In downtown Baltimore, the quake sent office workers into the streets, where lamp posts swayed slightly as they called family and friends to check in.

How did lamp posts acquire such special powers?

More Ludicrous Observations

Here is yet another round of ludicrous language.

I heard a radio ad for some weight loss product, and the opening line went like this:  If you are a man or woman who needs to lose weight...  Who does this company think is listening - bears, aliens?

How is it possible that we have such a thing as a debt ceiling?  Correct if I'm wrong, but doesn't a ceiling denote the very top and is stationary.  How can one "raise the roof?"

If one listens to something with half an ear, does this mean one only hears half of what is being said?

How did the professional title of 'bank teller' come to pass?  These people don't tell you anything, do they?

Maryland has a new program that replaces the former welfare program.  If one enrolls in this program, an Independence Card is issued.  Who thought up this name?  If one is obtaining help from the government, doesn't that make one dependent?

More to come...