Express Yourself

Ah, ambiguity.  It is indisputably one of the most frequent language gaffes I stumble upon on a daily basis.  Oftentimes, one’s mouth works faster than one’s brain, and what spews from within can be considered sheer  foolishness.   Here a few recent finds (overheard and read) I thought I’d share.

She was unable to tolerate liquids or solids by mouth.  Hmm, so was she tolerating them in some other way?  Is that even possible? 

People are gettin’ all kinds of reactions to birth control pills.  Okay.  First, I didn’t know animals took birth control, so is it necessary to reference people?  Second, are men taking BCPs now?

These next two are headlines from the local newspaper, the first of which one of my esteemed colleagues found.   Once we read it, hilarity ensued. 

    Mayor grilling agency heads  (Will she enjoy the taste?)

    Governor to give talk on the bay (Will he be on a boat, jet skis?)

As always, more to come...

This Just In....

It's that time of the week -- the sale circular for one of our local supermarkets was tucked in our daily newspaper.  The store, which shall remain nameless to protect the not-so-innocent (at least when it comes to context), had this to say in regard to the Thanksgiving holiday coming up in a mere two weeks.

For your convenience, we will be open on Thanksgiving day from 6am until 6pm.  This will allow our associates to enjoy Thanksgiving with their families.

Really?

Tuesday Haiku

A gentle breeze swirls,
Wrapping me in its softness
Ever so lightly.

The Tranquility of Dawn

Daylight-saving time has arrived yet again.   Aside from the obvious extra 60 minutes (and much needed) of sleep I will get this coming Sunday, the darkened mornings when I venture out offer a grand view of the skyline as the sun begins to wake for the day.  I have been awarded the genuine radiance of this display on the past two mornings, and I wasted not a minute grumbling about the traffic since the crawl afforded me the ability to marvel at its simplicity.  The cerulean sky was juxtaposed against the soft light-orange clouds.  Some were wispy strips that stretched well beyond lengths I could see, while others were wider, shaped like the overlapping ridges on a washboard.  The cloud swirls covered so much of the sky that there was only the faintest hint of blue beyond them. 

I question whether my fellow travelers saw what I did.  I am pessimistic enough to say I doubt it since the backdrop to this wonder was horns honking steadily, tires screeching loudly, and hand gestures flying.  So much for serenity.

Incongruities

If hand and foot are singular nouns, and in American English we add ‘s’ (most of the time) to create plural words, should not it then be hands and foots? 

Why is it that Donald and Daisy Duck have no pants, Mickey Mouse wears no shirt, and Goofy wears a turtleneck and long pants?  Trying to accommodate all seasons perhaps?

Does not the word permanent mean something that lasts forever?  If that is so, what’s the point of a permanent press setting on the iron, and why is a product called permanent hair color?  I can ardently say that I press the wrinkles on the same clothes week after week and color my  wretched grays nearly once a month. 

When the elevator is slow arriving to the floor after one has pushed the button, pushing the button 3 times in a row is not going to bring the elevator any faster than if one had simply waited for it to arrive.  The same logic applies to the remote control.  If the channel is not changing when one pushes the buttons, shaking the remote control will not correct the situation.

The word ajar means partly open or half closed (think optimistic and pessimistic) and one usually leaves a window or a door as such.  So if one refers to a jar should one then use the word ‘adoor' or 'awindow'?

As always, more to come.

No Tricks; Only Treats

Halloween has arrived.   Since those reading my posts are much too far away to give candy to, I’d like to share a few of my favorite stories and movies that befit this self-proclaimed ‘American holiday.’  As you wait for wicked witches, fanciful fairy princesses,  ghastly ghouls, and truculent trolls to land on your stoop and utter that famous phrase, either peruse these stories or observe these movies.  It will most assuredly help you stay in the spirit of the season.

Pages

“The Lottery” by Shirley Jackson (makes me never want to participate in any form of gambling)

The Turn of the Screw by Henry James (a haunted house and children?  That’s telling enough.)

“The Eyes” by Edith Wharton (not the typical description of a ghost, for sure)

“The Withered Arm” by Thomas Hardy (a jilted lover usually leads to a deluge of catastrophe)

“The Tell-Tale Heart” (anything from Poe is worthy of a read, but this one is my favorite)

Pictures

The Shining (Jack Nicholson at his most memorable)

Fallen (To this day I shiver when people ‘accidentally’ bump into me)

The Sixth Sense (I had to watch this a second time to figure out how I didn’t figure it out the first time)

Jennifer 8 (what the film industry calls a sleeper)

Night of the Living Dead (A classic B&W film made in 1968 that frightens me each time I watch it)

My Homage to Teddy G.

This blog post is dedicated to my students who were quite convinced that I was “going to go all Dr. Seuss” on them during class the other day.  Thanks for giving me the inspiration to create this one.

The world of writing is full of one too many a cliché.

I do not know how it became this way. 

If you cannot think of anything new and fresh to say,

Perhaps you should start over and throw your first idea away.

I made part of that rhyme in class, but I did not know it.

My students told me I should try to become a poet.

Not really…but I found it difficult not to show it.

I hope that I did not blow it.

As I always will say, keep your writing from sounding trite.

If you do not, your readers will be left with such a fright. 

Since you should strive to convey writing that is forthright,

Take a shot and give your readers a true delight. 

Man Down; Woman Up

I've been conducting beaucoup research of late as it seems that some of my male student population believe that women are the so-called weaker sex.  Hmm.  I found this rather absurd quote:


"These women just need a man in the house.  That's all they need.  Most of the feminists need a man to tell them what time of day it is and to lead them home."


Really?  Not only are many of the women I know able to read the numbers on their own watch, they also know how to get around town.  If not, I'm sure there's an 'app' for that.