Class Distinction

Yet again, HIStory classifies the four years one spends in high school and college.  Let's take a look for a moment, shall we?

Freshman - By far, the worst offender of the distinctions.  Broken down into its base component these words are fresh and man.  Fresh is okay as this means new.  Entering one's first year of schooling is a new event.  But, man?  What happened to the female population in school?  It does exist.  In fact, at TU, women outnumber men on campus.  I refuse to refer to my students by this word.  To me, they are known as my 'freshies.'

Sophomore - Greek etymology of the word denotes an oxymoron as it means wise and foolish.  So, which is it?  Is a second-year student prudent or imprudent?  I would like to think that having accomplished that first year would make one wiser than the year before. 

Junior - A substandard attribute at best.  As a junior, one is never considered first rate.  Too, tacking the word on the back end of a proud papa's son's name allegedly denotes the degree to which a man is a man's man -- one that would make his father swell with pride.  In actuality, junior is rather inferior, so can a son truly measure up?

Senior - the all-being, most important, high-ranking word.  Allegedly, being a senior male is the epitome of  superiority. This shows the world that this man was first born and now his offspring will bear his name.  What does this word have to do with a college-year ranking?  Ever wonder why senior and senility are so closely related?  Note the first four letters; they are identical.

I say we make a case to eradicate these purported distinctions.  One could simply be in his or her first year, second year, and so forth with the anticipated awareness that this may need some re-thinking if one finds himself or herself on the 10-year plan. 

Befuddled

My mind is a bit loopy of late since I'm buried waist-deep in student essays.  However, that hasn't stopped me from this confusion.  

Why are bologna, salami, and provolone cheese round but bread is square?   The final product is rather odd and not at all visually appealing.

Why is it called trimming the tree?  The object should be to decorate not cut.

Why is something called a drive-through when one has to stop at the window?   Brakes need not be applied.

Express Yourself

Ah, ambiguity.  It is indisputably one of the most frequent language gaffes I stumble upon on a daily basis.  Oftentimes, one’s mouth works faster than one’s brain, and what spews from within can be considered sheer  foolishness.   Here a few recent finds (overheard and read) I thought I’d share.

She was unable to tolerate liquids or solids by mouth.  Hmm, so was she tolerating them in some other way?  Is that even possible? 

People are gettin’ all kinds of reactions to birth control pills.  Okay.  First, I didn’t know animals took birth control, so is it necessary to reference people?  Second, are men taking BCPs now?

These next two are headlines from the local newspaper, the first of which one of my esteemed colleagues found.   Once we read it, hilarity ensued. 

    Mayor grilling agency heads  (Will she enjoy the taste?)

    Governor to give talk on the bay (Will he be on a boat, jet skis?)

As always, more to come...

Incongruities

If hand and foot are singular nouns, and in American English we add ‘s’ (most of the time) to create plural words, should not it then be hands and foots? 

Why is it that Donald and Daisy Duck have no pants, Mickey Mouse wears no shirt, and Goofy wears a turtleneck and long pants?  Trying to accommodate all seasons perhaps?

Does not the word permanent mean something that lasts forever?  If that is so, what’s the point of a permanent press setting on the iron, and why is a product called permanent hair color?  I can ardently say that I press the wrinkles on the same clothes week after week and color my  wretched grays nearly once a month. 

When the elevator is slow arriving to the floor after one has pushed the button, pushing the button 3 times in a row is not going to bring the elevator any faster than if one had simply waited for it to arrive.  The same logic applies to the remote control.  If the channel is not changing when one pushes the buttons, shaking the remote control will not correct the situation.

The word ajar means partly open or half closed (think optimistic and pessimistic) and one usually leaves a window or a door as such.  So if one refers to a jar should one then use the word ‘adoor' or 'awindow'?

As always, more to come.

Bumper Art

Since I am so well traveled on the beautiful Baltimore beltway, and I spend most of that travel time in unrelenting traffic, I find myself perusing the back ends of vehicles for bumper art.  Some stickers I find are awesome; others not so much.  This one in particular deserves special props.

                Well-behaved women seldom make history.

I am inclined to agree. 

What-say we make a case for changing the word HIStory to HERstory.  Female empowerment rocks!

More Ludicrous Observations

Here is yet another round of ludicrous language.

I heard a radio ad for some weight loss product, and the opening line went like this:  If you are a man or woman who needs to lose weight...  Who does this company think is listening - bears, aliens?

How is it possible that we have such a thing as a debt ceiling?  Correct if I'm wrong, but doesn't a ceiling denote the very top and is stationary.  How can one "raise the roof?"

If one listens to something with half an ear, does this mean one only hears half of what is being said?

How did the professional title of 'bank teller' come to pass?  These people don't tell you anything, do they?

Maryland has a new program that replaces the former welfare program.  If one enrolls in this program, an Independence Card is issued.  Who thought up this name?  If one is obtaining help from the government, doesn't that make one dependent?

More to come...