Shoppers Beware.

This Tuesday haiku is dedicated to my fine followers brave enough to venture out on that fateful Friday after Thanksgiving.  While my excursion was a rather pleasant one, others experienced the antics now ingrained in the American culture.

Cars steal prime parking.
Carts swiftly pushed through aisles.
Humans shove and snatch.  

Tuesday Haiku

Nearly naked trees.
Leaves crackle under my shoes.
Autumn has arrived.

Hey, it's okay...

Here’s to a companion blogger who airs her dirty laundry one sock at a time (AKA the whispering writer on blogspot) and the feature she found in Glamour magazine.

Hey, it’s okay if sometimes you want to watch a low-budget Lifetime movie.  Not having to think too intently about a plot so thin that it’s pliable is actually good therapy for the brain. 

Hey, it’s okay if you abhor advertising that takes personification to the maximum:  Talking food products geared toward adults.  Really?

Hey, it’s okay if you were an avid fan of Sex and the City on HBO but hated the movies and wished that Carrie didn’t marry Big but stayed with Aidan Shaw.  They were, after all, so much better together.

Hey, it’s okay if you look at yourself in the mirror, find three new gray hairs and a new wrinkle that you know were not there the day before and then proceed to smile and tell yourself that you are naturally beautiful.

Tuesday Haiku

Darkness falls; stars dance.

Your loving caress wakes me.

Tender lips touch mine. 

Express Yourself

Ah, ambiguity.  It is indisputably one of the most frequent language gaffes I stumble upon on a daily basis.  Oftentimes, one’s mouth works faster than one’s brain, and what spews from within can be considered sheer  foolishness.   Here a few recent finds (overheard and read) I thought I’d share.

She was unable to tolerate liquids or solids by mouth.  Hmm, so was she tolerating them in some other way?  Is that even possible? 

People are gettin’ all kinds of reactions to birth control pills.  Okay.  First, I didn’t know animals took birth control, so is it necessary to reference people?  Second, are men taking BCPs now?

These next two are headlines from the local newspaper, the first of which one of my esteemed colleagues found.   Once we read it, hilarity ensued. 

    Mayor grilling agency heads  (Will she enjoy the taste?)

    Governor to give talk on the bay (Will he be on a boat, jet skis?)

As always, more to come...

This Just In....

It's that time of the week -- the sale circular for one of our local supermarkets was tucked in our daily newspaper.  The store, which shall remain nameless to protect the not-so-innocent (at least when it comes to context), had this to say in regard to the Thanksgiving holiday coming up in a mere two weeks.

For your convenience, we will be open on Thanksgiving day from 6am until 6pm.  This will allow our associates to enjoy Thanksgiving with their families.

Really?

Tuesday Haiku

A gentle breeze swirls,
Wrapping me in its softness
Ever so lightly.

The Tranquility of Dawn

Daylight-saving time has arrived yet again.   Aside from the obvious extra 60 minutes (and much needed) of sleep I will get this coming Sunday, the darkened mornings when I venture out offer a grand view of the skyline as the sun begins to wake for the day.  I have been awarded the genuine radiance of this display on the past two mornings, and I wasted not a minute grumbling about the traffic since the crawl afforded me the ability to marvel at its simplicity.  The cerulean sky was juxtaposed against the soft light-orange clouds.  Some were wispy strips that stretched well beyond lengths I could see, while others were wider, shaped like the overlapping ridges on a washboard.  The cloud swirls covered so much of the sky that there was only the faintest hint of blue beyond them. 

I question whether my fellow travelers saw what I did.  I am pessimistic enough to say I doubt it since the backdrop to this wonder was horns honking steadily, tires screeching loudly, and hand gestures flying.  So much for serenity.

Incongruities

If hand and foot are singular nouns, and in American English we add ‘s’ (most of the time) to create plural words, should not it then be hands and foots? 

Why is it that Donald and Daisy Duck have no pants, Mickey Mouse wears no shirt, and Goofy wears a turtleneck and long pants?  Trying to accommodate all seasons perhaps?

Does not the word permanent mean something that lasts forever?  If that is so, what’s the point of a permanent press setting on the iron, and why is a product called permanent hair color?  I can ardently say that I press the wrinkles on the same clothes week after week and color my  wretched grays nearly once a month. 

When the elevator is slow arriving to the floor after one has pushed the button, pushing the button 3 times in a row is not going to bring the elevator any faster than if one had simply waited for it to arrive.  The same logic applies to the remote control.  If the channel is not changing when one pushes the buttons, shaking the remote control will not correct the situation.

The word ajar means partly open or half closed (think optimistic and pessimistic) and one usually leaves a window or a door as such.  So if one refers to a jar should one then use the word ‘adoor' or 'awindow'?

As always, more to come.